it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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