sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
