wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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