Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Please, let me fuck your mom
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
