she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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