he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
