9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
