I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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