she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You took a bar mat shot.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
