So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
