you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
