I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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