I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
