they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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