I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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