see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
