I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
