Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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