my mouth tastes like poor choices
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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