i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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