I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
