well I can't set my house on fire every night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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