he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
