wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
