I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
