He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I won the penis lottery.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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