Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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