I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
