can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Text me some of your sweat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize