OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
