Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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