u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this boner is exhausting
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
