some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize