I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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