just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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