He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
