i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
