FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
