You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
