This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
