I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
