4 words: hood of his car
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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