Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
