There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
