I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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