New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
