I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
