My pussy is not your playground.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
