I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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