Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
