turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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