i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
