i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
