you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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