dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
