Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
