I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
