I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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