that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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