just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
