I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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