VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
