You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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