you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
