we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
handjob tips. give me some.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
