my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
