It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
