Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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