i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize