So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
